**I posted this on another one of my blogs on Wed. 8/15/07 and when I went to post it here, just one thing after the other came up and it didn't make it on so here it is!**
GOOD MORNING! OK. I don't know about good. It's only 7:15am. I don't want to judge the day before it gets started! :-) And yes, I'm up. Been up almost two hours now. This whole job thing is for the birds really!
First of all, I'm working on my list! I watched a new movie this weekend. I rented Disturbia. It was good! I liked it!! So that's one down for the month! Just one more to go!
OK. So my real reason for blogging this early in the morning (cause quite honestly, my thoughts are never together this early) is because I've got a lot on my mind..and I wouldn't normally share this online or really with anyone other than my best friend and Sarah probably but again, one of the things on my list is stepping out of my comfort zone is this is!! Plus I know that talking about things and having someone else praying for you does help. So here it goes! AHHHH!!!
There are probably plenty of you who don't know this but my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer....I think back in June. It wasn't a complete surprise really. It runs in his family. And because he's so stubborn, he won't go to the dr. So we knew that when he finally did (which was NOT his choice), there were going to be some issues and there were. Mom and I are both optimistic people (me more so than mom but I have a tendency to rub off on her) and so we knew that God was going to take care of this no matter what. And we still believe that. Well, Dad's first urologist was an idiot...to say the least. And after a talk with his dr. and "God moment" (as we'll call it), Dad was given another urologist in Toledo...who is FAR from an idiot (thank goodness). This dr. was very optimistic as well. Laid all of dad's options out for him. Mom and Dad really liked him but just a few days after their first visit, Dad said he wasn't having surgery. Ahhhhhhh... But we could deal with this. And we did. Again, we had another "God moment" and Dad changed his mind. So they made another trip up to Toledo to talk about surgery and get more details. And about two weeks ago, we were told that Dad's surgery was scheduled for Oct. 23.
Obviously, Mom and I kicked into surgery mode...even though we had a while to go. Just planning ahead. We knew this wasn't going to be easy on Dad and we knew he'd need some help and lots of extra things. Not a big deal! That's what we're supposed to do!
Then Sat. came and Dad told Mom he wasn't having the surgery. Mom was not impressed as you can imagine. When she asked why, she got the list of all of the things he was going to have to deal with right after the surgery and he just didn't want to deal with them. He didn't want to be in all that pain and everything else. Mom will admit that she was not her friendliest at this point and had some things to say.
I was too tired on Sun. to say much of anything that evening...and I knew I probably wouldn't be my friendliest either so I kept my mouth shut. But I did leave dad a note when I left for work Mon. morning. I just asked him to do some more thinking. And to really think about the family as a whole. I thought maybe I had convinced him to really do some thinking because he didn't call and cancel on Mon.
But he called and cancelled yesterday. And I was instantly angry. I didn't want to be. Again, this is his decision and he's the one that's got to go through this. Not me. But at the same time, it's been like a roller coaster. I believe in miracles. How can you not with a God like ours? But I also believe that God doesn't always perform those miracles in the way we expect him to. Sometimes those miracles are through others...doctors for instance. So I stayed in my computer room last night and kept my mouth shut (usually my best bet when I've got a lot going through my head).
Then I came across my cousin's blog...see the blog I posted before this one. I've mentioned before that I've been learning SO much from her. And yesterday was no different. God knew what I needed to hear and who I needed to hear it from. Let's walk. And that's exactly what I'm going to do. I'm going to walk with God on this one. I have to. That's all we can do. God is in control of this. Always has been. And I need to remember that. I went back to another blog she had posted a few months ago. It's one I keep in my Bible. It's about perspective...and how sometimes we have to change ours to line up with God's. And that's my plan. I'm going to change my perspective. In the mean time though, keep us in your prayers. It won't be easy!! And I imagine it's going to have to be something I work on from time to time!
GOOD MORNING! OK. I don't know about good. It's only 7:15am. I don't want to judge the day before it gets started! :-) And yes, I'm up. Been up almost two hours now. This whole job thing is for the birds really!
First of all, I'm working on my list! I watched a new movie this weekend. I rented Disturbia. It was good! I liked it!! So that's one down for the month! Just one more to go!
OK. So my real reason for blogging this early in the morning (cause quite honestly, my thoughts are never together this early) is because I've got a lot on my mind..and I wouldn't normally share this online or really with anyone other than my best friend and Sarah probably but again, one of the things on my list is stepping out of my comfort zone is this is!! Plus I know that talking about things and having someone else praying for you does help. So here it goes! AHHHH!!!
There are probably plenty of you who don't know this but my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer....I think back in June. It wasn't a complete surprise really. It runs in his family. And because he's so stubborn, he won't go to the dr. So we knew that when he finally did (which was NOT his choice), there were going to be some issues and there were. Mom and I are both optimistic people (me more so than mom but I have a tendency to rub off on her) and so we knew that God was going to take care of this no matter what. And we still believe that. Well, Dad's first urologist was an idiot...to say the least. And after a talk with his dr. and "God moment" (as we'll call it), Dad was given another urologist in Toledo...who is FAR from an idiot (thank goodness). This dr. was very optimistic as well. Laid all of dad's options out for him. Mom and Dad really liked him but just a few days after their first visit, Dad said he wasn't having surgery. Ahhhhhhh... But we could deal with this. And we did. Again, we had another "God moment" and Dad changed his mind. So they made another trip up to Toledo to talk about surgery and get more details. And about two weeks ago, we were told that Dad's surgery was scheduled for Oct. 23.
Obviously, Mom and I kicked into surgery mode...even though we had a while to go. Just planning ahead. We knew this wasn't going to be easy on Dad and we knew he'd need some help and lots of extra things. Not a big deal! That's what we're supposed to do!
Then Sat. came and Dad told Mom he wasn't having the surgery. Mom was not impressed as you can imagine. When she asked why, she got the list of all of the things he was going to have to deal with right after the surgery and he just didn't want to deal with them. He didn't want to be in all that pain and everything else. Mom will admit that she was not her friendliest at this point and had some things to say.
I was too tired on Sun. to say much of anything that evening...and I knew I probably wouldn't be my friendliest either so I kept my mouth shut. But I did leave dad a note when I left for work Mon. morning. I just asked him to do some more thinking. And to really think about the family as a whole. I thought maybe I had convinced him to really do some thinking because he didn't call and cancel on Mon.
But he called and cancelled yesterday. And I was instantly angry. I didn't want to be. Again, this is his decision and he's the one that's got to go through this. Not me. But at the same time, it's been like a roller coaster. I believe in miracles. How can you not with a God like ours? But I also believe that God doesn't always perform those miracles in the way we expect him to. Sometimes those miracles are through others...doctors for instance. So I stayed in my computer room last night and kept my mouth shut (usually my best bet when I've got a lot going through my head).
Then I came across my cousin's blog...see the blog I posted before this one. I've mentioned before that I've been learning SO much from her. And yesterday was no different. God knew what I needed to hear and who I needed to hear it from. Let's walk. And that's exactly what I'm going to do. I'm going to walk with God on this one. I have to. That's all we can do. God is in control of this. Always has been. And I need to remember that. I went back to another blog she had posted a few months ago. It's one I keep in my Bible. It's about perspective...and how sometimes we have to change ours to line up with God's. And that's my plan. I'm going to change my perspective. In the mean time though, keep us in your prayers. It won't be easy!! And I imagine it's going to have to be something I work on from time to time!
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