It's amazing how in just a few days you can go from a "WOO HOO" to an "AAAAHHHHHH." But that's a little how I feel. Maybe I should explain. I'm still excited! Tonight is ANNIE!!! WOO HOO!!! I'm so excited for it! I've been waiting to see this since I was a little kid!! I can't wait! And I'm excited for this upcoming weekend. Nervous too. I still have SO MUCH to do! (That's what I'm supposed to be doing right now. Instead I'm writing this and listening to the new Matchbox Twenty CD.) And I've got a BUSY week ahead. So I'm exhausted already!! But that's not what's on my heart right now.
Back in Jan. I wrote a pretty serious blog. And since I have no better way to explain things, I'm going to post it here. That way if you didn't read it or you don't remember it, you can read it again. And then I'll continue my thoughts!
HOW TO SAVE A LIFE by The Fray
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life..>
I know a lot of people have slightly different views on this song and what it means and what they think the song is talking about. Tonight for me, it's all about decisions...
I've spent the last few days questioning a lot of things...mainly myself and what I need to do for another friend...what do I say? What do I do? And tonight I'm questioning if the decisions I've made are the right ones. And I've prayed about it and I still feel like..I don't know. Which way do I go? Is this decision going to change things? Am I going to be able to hold on to this friend and be there when I'm needed? Or is this decision wrong...one week, one month or even one year down the line, am I going to regret this and is it going to change everything?
And it's not even a decision I would normally make. If you know me, I tell you like it is most of the time (because I would expect the same from you) and if I feel like you're heading for something terrible, I'm honest. I'll stick by you no matter what you decide but you're going to hear about it all the one down that road. But this decision...this was different. This affects the life of a person...at least I think it does. And it affects how much I can be in this persons life. So for the time being, I'm keeping my mouth shut in order to stick around and do what I can.
But is that how I save this friend's life? Seriously? I'm by no means saying I know what's best all the time. Hardly! But I think I have a good idea of what's best in this situation. But it honestly doesn't matter cause the other force pushing this friend in the other direction is pretty convincing...at least to this friend.
And I know it's Satan. I know he's managed to wedge his way into the life of this friend...make this friend feel unworthy...he's done it before. And he's good at it. And here I am on the other side trying to show this friend just the opposite. But after our conversation today, I feel like Satan is winning.
So how do you save someone's life? I know we can't save everyone. We can't be a hero to everyone. But when you see someone being sucked into something that you know is no good and you can't figure out a way for them to understand, what do you do? Pray hard...I know!
So as I sit here deciding whether I made the right decision or if I need to do something else, this song will probably play over and over again. Not only do I just love the song but it seems to fit how I feel about things right now.
So less than a year later, here I am again. Same situation. Just came to me differently. And so I'm still in the same spot where I'm not absolutely positive I made the right decision. I don't know all the details at the moment...but I can only imagine that the last 10 months hasn't been easy. I guess in some ways I feel like I did the right thing as a friend. I stuck by. I supported. And I did what I thought I was supposed to do to keep this relationship. But in order to do all those things and to-in my mind- save the life of this friend, months at least went by where this friend probably was living in pure agony. And no, that's not my fault. And as terrible as things probably got, I believe and KNOW that given the chance, God will allow good things to come of this. But it's getting to that point. It's easy for me to say and do the things because I'm not the one who suffered.
And on top of all of this, someone needs to be forgiven. That doesn't even sound like a descent idea to me. How do you forgive someone who so blatantly hurt someone else? Who knew what they were doing and did it anyway? I know...it's what I'm supposed to do. It's what God wants me to do. The bitterness and the anger doesn't do me any good. And honestly, it's going to be easier for me to forgive and put things behind me because...again...this didn't happen to me.
But at the same time I feel like it was. I'd give anything for this friend. And I did what this friend asked of me. I supported this person. I prayed for this person all the time. And even when this person didn't know it, I was checking in. But I wasn't getting the truth. And so it was hard for me to know what to do.
I hope and pray that as I know this will change this friend's life, that it changes it for the better. That this friend is able to open up to others...seek the help that will ultimately be needed...and realize that they are worth so much more than even they know. And that they allow God to bring someone into their life that loves Him and therefor loves this friend.
It's heartbreaking to continue to sit back and watch. I do the things I think that God would have me to do. I say the things I believe God has placed on my heart. And I am constantly praying that all of these things save this friend's life. I can't imagine my life without this person. This person makes the world a better place...even though this person doesn't seem to realize it.
I hope I did the right thing. I hope that as this friend begins this new phase of life, they realize that as difficult as all of this has been, they can move on. God has a great plan for this person and those around this person. I just want this person to realize it...
Back in Jan. I wrote a pretty serious blog. And since I have no better way to explain things, I'm going to post it here. That way if you didn't read it or you don't remember it, you can read it again. And then I'll continue my thoughts!
HOW TO SAVE A LIFE by The Fray
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life..>
I know a lot of people have slightly different views on this song and what it means and what they think the song is talking about. Tonight for me, it's all about decisions...
I've spent the last few days questioning a lot of things...mainly myself and what I need to do for another friend...what do I say? What do I do? And tonight I'm questioning if the decisions I've made are the right ones. And I've prayed about it and I still feel like..I don't know. Which way do I go? Is this decision going to change things? Am I going to be able to hold on to this friend and be there when I'm needed? Or is this decision wrong...one week, one month or even one year down the line, am I going to regret this and is it going to change everything?
And it's not even a decision I would normally make. If you know me, I tell you like it is most of the time (because I would expect the same from you) and if I feel like you're heading for something terrible, I'm honest. I'll stick by you no matter what you decide but you're going to hear about it all the one down that road. But this decision...this was different. This affects the life of a person...at least I think it does. And it affects how much I can be in this persons life. So for the time being, I'm keeping my mouth shut in order to stick around and do what I can.
But is that how I save this friend's life? Seriously? I'm by no means saying I know what's best all the time. Hardly! But I think I have a good idea of what's best in this situation. But it honestly doesn't matter cause the other force pushing this friend in the other direction is pretty convincing...at least to this friend.
And I know it's Satan. I know he's managed to wedge his way into the life of this friend...make this friend feel unworthy...he's done it before. And he's good at it. And here I am on the other side trying to show this friend just the opposite. But after our conversation today, I feel like Satan is winning.
So how do you save someone's life? I know we can't save everyone. We can't be a hero to everyone. But when you see someone being sucked into something that you know is no good and you can't figure out a way for them to understand, what do you do? Pray hard...I know!
So as I sit here deciding whether I made the right decision or if I need to do something else, this song will probably play over and over again. Not only do I just love the song but it seems to fit how I feel about things right now.
So less than a year later, here I am again. Same situation. Just came to me differently. And so I'm still in the same spot where I'm not absolutely positive I made the right decision. I don't know all the details at the moment...but I can only imagine that the last 10 months hasn't been easy. I guess in some ways I feel like I did the right thing as a friend. I stuck by. I supported. And I did what I thought I was supposed to do to keep this relationship. But in order to do all those things and to-in my mind- save the life of this friend, months at least went by where this friend probably was living in pure agony. And no, that's not my fault. And as terrible as things probably got, I believe and KNOW that given the chance, God will allow good things to come of this. But it's getting to that point. It's easy for me to say and do the things because I'm not the one who suffered.
And on top of all of this, someone needs to be forgiven. That doesn't even sound like a descent idea to me. How do you forgive someone who so blatantly hurt someone else? Who knew what they were doing and did it anyway? I know...it's what I'm supposed to do. It's what God wants me to do. The bitterness and the anger doesn't do me any good. And honestly, it's going to be easier for me to forgive and put things behind me because...again...this didn't happen to me.
But at the same time I feel like it was. I'd give anything for this friend. And I did what this friend asked of me. I supported this person. I prayed for this person all the time. And even when this person didn't know it, I was checking in. But I wasn't getting the truth. And so it was hard for me to know what to do.
I hope and pray that as I know this will change this friend's life, that it changes it for the better. That this friend is able to open up to others...seek the help that will ultimately be needed...and realize that they are worth so much more than even they know. And that they allow God to bring someone into their life that loves Him and therefor loves this friend.
It's heartbreaking to continue to sit back and watch. I do the things I think that God would have me to do. I say the things I believe God has placed on my heart. And I am constantly praying that all of these things save this friend's life. I can't imagine my life without this person. This person makes the world a better place...even though this person doesn't seem to realize it.
I hope I did the right thing. I hope that as this friend begins this new phase of life, they realize that as difficult as all of this has been, they can move on. God has a great plan for this person and those around this person. I just want this person to realize it...
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