I've got a few minutes to blog (which is unusual, as you already know) and I was sitting here trying to think of what to talk about that wouldn't bore you (well, bore you more than normal). I came across a writing prompt called "What are You Most Proud of in 2015." And that is really a good question.
2015 brought about a lot of things I was not prepared for. And I know, that's the case with almost everything but I never really thought I'd be in situations like this. And I'll admit, especially in the beginning, it was all overwhelming. My mom's health was declining quickly, then we were short-staffed at work so I was working what felt like all of the time, my mom then went into the nursing home, my apartment flooded, mom back in the hospital, me moving, mom into a new nursing home, mom back into the hospital....it was literally one thing after the other. And I could have easily had a mental breakdown. I now understand how people could completely lose their minds. I didn't feel like there was enough time in the day to cry. I rarely slept. And when I did sleep, it wasn't good sleep. All while I was trying to keep it together. Ha!
But then I got to this point where I said to God, "What on earth am I doing?" I'm guessing He was up there thinking, "that's what I've been saying this whole time." Yes, I thought I was depending on Him. And yes, I was praying a lot and also thanking God a lot. But I was also trying to still carry so much on my own. Seriously, what on earth was I thinking? When I finally let go (and had that one good cry, you know what I'm talking about), I finally could take a deep breath. That's not to say I wasn't worried about things. I'd be lying if I said I still didn't wonder what was going to happen next. But I was 100% dependant on God.
So when I think about what I'm most proud of, it's the growth I made this year, spiritually. I let God be God. And that's not always an easy thing. But he has surrounded me with all of these amazing people that have been and will continue to be there for me when I need them. Once I decided to let God work through others, my heart almost exploded (OK, not literally but you know what I mean). I was overwhelmed at what God was doing. And He had been doing it the whole time. I just had to get out of His way.
This was a tough year. I don't know if I would want to relive it. And I know that tougher times will come. But I am thankful for this year. I'm thankful that I let God be God. I'm thankful that He loves me enough to put up with me when I'm not listening. I'm thankful that He loves me enough to surround me with friends (who might as well be family) who love me for me. I learned a lot this summer about myself but also my relationship with God. I wouldn't trade that for anything. And I'm proud that I can recognize that.
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