““You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.”
Matthew 5:5 MSG
I came across this verse in this translation a few years ago on something I saw on Facebook. (Facebook isn't all bad.) I immediately fell in love with it. And I fell in love with it because I wanted it to be true for my life. I didn't necessarily feel like I wasn't content but I wasn't really counting my blessings either, if that makes sense. I have to admit, that as much as I wanted this to be my prayer, I didn't concentrate on it a lot. I can admit that my prayer life needs some work. I have no problem admitting that. I'm not proud of it. It's just something I continue to work on. Anyway, I got sidetracked! I wanted this passage to relate to my life but because it wasn't something I made a priority, it just wasn't.
Then this year happened. What some of you readers don't know is that the flood was not the only thing that set my life spinning this year. My mom has also suffered some health issues. And it got bad for her. Several times. Then there was work. Work was good. Very good. But the problem is we had all of these kids in the center and we needed more teachers! So that meant that my boss and I were working a lot of hours in the classroom. So I was working like crazy (when I could), helping with what was going on with mom, then my apartment flooded...and in the midst of that, I don't even understand how I found contentment but I did. In the midst of that is when I asked God to show me what contentment meant. And through all of this, I realized that contentment wasn't having everything I wanted. Or really having everything I needed. It was finding happiness in whatever God has for my life. That's not as easy to be content with as you may think in your head. God doesn't cause bad things to happen to us but He does allow them to happen. I believe that. And sometimes we want to scream out to God, "why me?" I wanted to scream out several times. There were so many times when I just didn't understand. And because I didn't understand, I had a hard time giving it to God. But then this verse from Matthew came back to me. And that's what I concentrated on in my prayer time. Of course I asked for healing for my mom and for things to work out as far as my apartment went. I asked for a lot of other things too. I could have just not asked but God knew my heart so why not? But I also asked to be content just like the verse described. I asked for a peace that only God could provide. I asked for Him to open my eyes to how He was truly blessing me.
And just recently in the last few months, I realized just how content I've been. & I'm not content because things are calmer (oh isn't that just funny). I'm content because I am truly happy with who I am and who God is making me. I have plenty of flaws. Would you like me to make a list? I'll pass. I have a million things to work on. But God loves ME. God loves every part of me. And I am me because of Him.
But just within the last few weeks, God has thrown some interesting things into my life. Nothing bad. Just interesting. A year ago, I think I would have jumped into this head first thinking it was all so wonderful. But now I'm just wondering why my footing needed to be thrown off. I've spent the last few days overthinking it all instead of just listening for God's voice and allowing Him to show me how this fits.
I'm trying to just remind myself of how content I am - not because of the circumstances but because of who holds my future. And when I think about it like that, it's hard not to smile about the possibilities.
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