I'm kind of writing this blog for a friend. I may have eventually written this blog but it kind of seems like now is the time to share some things about me that may help a friend...and who knows...maybe some other people.
First of all, I'm not nearly as outgoing as people think. Do I love to talk? Yes! Do I love spending time with my friends? You betcha! But I enjoy my quiet time too. It's another snowy, nasty weekend here in Ohio and it's safer to stay in then to venture out. I'm sure plenty people are bored and tired of being cooped up. Not me. I don't mind the time. I enjoy watching TV sometimes. I have done lots of reading. Sure, I still get to talk to friends but I'm more than content being right here in my house. Why you ask? Cause I'm not a social butterfly as some people thing. And honestly, I know that's the way it seems sometimes. But I'm actually quite quiet unless I know you. If you see me in a group of people I know, yeah, I'm talking and laughing and being silly. Put me in a situation where I'm not surrounded by people I know and trust...you'll see the quiet Deidra. That's the Deidra that is more self-conscience of what people think. I have a tendency to be that way around people I know as well. Not my closest friends. But those who don't know me as well. Then there's those moments where I appear to be comfortable in my own skin. And I guess I am. But I'd rather be silent in those moments. I'd rather be watching what others are doing and how they're responding and acting towards others. But in those moments, I know that I have to appear to be confident or there will be some around me who will hide in their shells. And I don't want that.
I have a tendency to overanalyze everything. I don't call it worrying. That's not what it is. Because honestly, I have faith that things will all work. But if I don't trust you 100%, then I'm overanalyzing everything you say. Why? Not real sure. Always have. But it's not just the things people say. It's the way people act. Almost every situation possible goes through the overanalyzing process in my head. I can't say that it bothers me though. I don't ever remember it bothering me as a kid either. For me, it was just how my brain worked. Plus, even though I have those moments where I'm a little self-conscience, my parents raised me with the belief that I can do and be all things through Christ. So for me, I may have those moments of doubt that sometimes my overanalyzing brings, but I remember God's promise.
My mom says that my overanalyzing also makes me a good debater. Her and Dad both always said I should be a lawyer. I know that comes across the wrong way sometimes but again, it's who I am. And I'm not trying to be rude or anything. Again, it's just what's going on in my head.
Overanalyzing everything can be annoying sometimes. And for some people, it does make them more self-conscience. I can't even imagine what that's like. But for me, I try to look at it as something quite positive in my life. I think it makes me a more loyal friend. I think it makes me a great listener. And I also think it helps me provide help to others by looking at all the sides of a situation. I'm not trying to toot my own horn here. That's not my point. I'm just trying to tell you what I feel like I've done with the craziness that sometimes goes on in my head.
Overanalyzing also means that I feel things a little more deeply than people think I do. Being hurt is something that floats around in my head...being tossed back and forth while I try to figure out what may have caused what happened. Sure. I look like I've blown it off. And sometimes I do. But those times when I'm hurt by people in my life who I trust more than others, the hurt is a whole lot deeper. And I know what you're going to say....that's the case for most people. And I know that's true. It is. But our thought processes are different. I'm hurt because I feel like I could have changed it or seen it coming or reacted differently....whatever the case may be. It also means that when I pour my heart out to you because I'm hurt and I get some silly little politically correct answer, it's going to take me awhile to forget that. And it's going to take me awhile to be honest with you again...at least like that. Why? Because now, in my head, I have this view of how you feel about me and our friendship. And even though some people think the word "sorry" fixes everything, this overanalyzer (is that even a word??) knows that there is more to just saying "sorry." (That also comes with being in child care. Believe me, you figure out what sorry means when you're trying to teach it to a bunch of preschoolers.)
Overanalyzing also makes me a much better writer than talker. If I were to try to say the things I'm feeling on a daily basis, you would have to be committed. You would be so confused about the 1 million different things going on in my head at one time. And they would never come out of my mouth in order! It makes sense to me! But it doesn't to you! So I do a lot of writing. And honestly, texting is a good thing for me. I know that a lot of times people say that texting takes away from what people are really thinking and feeling and can be misunderstood. And I know that's true. But for me, it's so much easier to write down what I want to say to you. It helps me make more sense of my thoughts and be able to clearly explain them to others.
For those of you who are also people who overanalyze things, it's ok. It's what you do with that "ability" that truly matters. Don't let that overanalyzing make you someone you're not. Don't allow it to tell you that you can't do something. Don't allow it to make you feel like you're less of a person. Remember that no matter what others MAY think of you, that's not where your worth is. But also remember, that no matter how you may feel about someone else (because of your overanalyzing), that's not where their worth is either. God isn't finished with me yet. And I know He's not finished with you either. And even in the depths of your brain, where your most honest thoughts lie, God sees beauty. And you can use that beauty to help others. So instead of overanalyzing your overanalyzing tendencies, just be YOU. And let God continue to mold you into the person He created you to be...with your overanalyzing abilities.
(Disclaimer...I'm guessing only you people who do a lot of overanalyzing will even understand this blog! Some of you who know me best may understand, but as I read back through it, I feel like I let my brain have free will and this could definitely confuse many people!)
First of all, I'm not nearly as outgoing as people think. Do I love to talk? Yes! Do I love spending time with my friends? You betcha! But I enjoy my quiet time too. It's another snowy, nasty weekend here in Ohio and it's safer to stay in then to venture out. I'm sure plenty people are bored and tired of being cooped up. Not me. I don't mind the time. I enjoy watching TV sometimes. I have done lots of reading. Sure, I still get to talk to friends but I'm more than content being right here in my house. Why you ask? Cause I'm not a social butterfly as some people thing. And honestly, I know that's the way it seems sometimes. But I'm actually quite quiet unless I know you. If you see me in a group of people I know, yeah, I'm talking and laughing and being silly. Put me in a situation where I'm not surrounded by people I know and trust...you'll see the quiet Deidra. That's the Deidra that is more self-conscience of what people think. I have a tendency to be that way around people I know as well. Not my closest friends. But those who don't know me as well. Then there's those moments where I appear to be comfortable in my own skin. And I guess I am. But I'd rather be silent in those moments. I'd rather be watching what others are doing and how they're responding and acting towards others. But in those moments, I know that I have to appear to be confident or there will be some around me who will hide in their shells. And I don't want that.
I have a tendency to overanalyze everything. I don't call it worrying. That's not what it is. Because honestly, I have faith that things will all work. But if I don't trust you 100%, then I'm overanalyzing everything you say. Why? Not real sure. Always have. But it's not just the things people say. It's the way people act. Almost every situation possible goes through the overanalyzing process in my head. I can't say that it bothers me though. I don't ever remember it bothering me as a kid either. For me, it was just how my brain worked. Plus, even though I have those moments where I'm a little self-conscience, my parents raised me with the belief that I can do and be all things through Christ. So for me, I may have those moments of doubt that sometimes my overanalyzing brings, but I remember God's promise.
My mom says that my overanalyzing also makes me a good debater. Her and Dad both always said I should be a lawyer. I know that comes across the wrong way sometimes but again, it's who I am. And I'm not trying to be rude or anything. Again, it's just what's going on in my head.
Overanalyzing everything can be annoying sometimes. And for some people, it does make them more self-conscience. I can't even imagine what that's like. But for me, I try to look at it as something quite positive in my life. I think it makes me a more loyal friend. I think it makes me a great listener. And I also think it helps me provide help to others by looking at all the sides of a situation. I'm not trying to toot my own horn here. That's not my point. I'm just trying to tell you what I feel like I've done with the craziness that sometimes goes on in my head.
Overanalyzing also means that I feel things a little more deeply than people think I do. Being hurt is something that floats around in my head...being tossed back and forth while I try to figure out what may have caused what happened. Sure. I look like I've blown it off. And sometimes I do. But those times when I'm hurt by people in my life who I trust more than others, the hurt is a whole lot deeper. And I know what you're going to say....that's the case for most people. And I know that's true. It is. But our thought processes are different. I'm hurt because I feel like I could have changed it or seen it coming or reacted differently....whatever the case may be. It also means that when I pour my heart out to you because I'm hurt and I get some silly little politically correct answer, it's going to take me awhile to forget that. And it's going to take me awhile to be honest with you again...at least like that. Why? Because now, in my head, I have this view of how you feel about me and our friendship. And even though some people think the word "sorry" fixes everything, this overanalyzer (is that even a word??) knows that there is more to just saying "sorry." (That also comes with being in child care. Believe me, you figure out what sorry means when you're trying to teach it to a bunch of preschoolers.)
Overanalyzing also makes me a much better writer than talker. If I were to try to say the things I'm feeling on a daily basis, you would have to be committed. You would be so confused about the 1 million different things going on in my head at one time. And they would never come out of my mouth in order! It makes sense to me! But it doesn't to you! So I do a lot of writing. And honestly, texting is a good thing for me. I know that a lot of times people say that texting takes away from what people are really thinking and feeling and can be misunderstood. And I know that's true. But for me, it's so much easier to write down what I want to say to you. It helps me make more sense of my thoughts and be able to clearly explain them to others.
For those of you who are also people who overanalyze things, it's ok. It's what you do with that "ability" that truly matters. Don't let that overanalyzing make you someone you're not. Don't allow it to tell you that you can't do something. Don't allow it to make you feel like you're less of a person. Remember that no matter what others MAY think of you, that's not where your worth is. But also remember, that no matter how you may feel about someone else (because of your overanalyzing), that's not where their worth is either. God isn't finished with me yet. And I know He's not finished with you either. And even in the depths of your brain, where your most honest thoughts lie, God sees beauty. And you can use that beauty to help others. So instead of overanalyzing your overanalyzing tendencies, just be YOU. And let God continue to mold you into the person He created you to be...with your overanalyzing abilities.
(Disclaimer...I'm guessing only you people who do a lot of overanalyzing will even understand this blog! Some of you who know me best may understand, but as I read back through it, I feel like I let my brain have free will and this could definitely confuse many people!)
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