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A Prayer

**I wrote this last Sun. It's probably not going to make a lot of sense to most of you but it will to some. It doesn't really matter if it makes sense. I don't usually share stuff this personal but I wanted to share this. I'm leaving some names out. And maybe a few other things. But you'll get the point I think! I have to say that once I wrote this, I felt so much better. Once I let go and let God, things started to improve. Just gotta let go sometimes! That's not to say it was an easy week. Some moments were difficult. But this definitely helped!**

Dear God, You know how I feel right now. You know how lost I feel. You know how lonely I feel. You know how sorry I am. I'm sorry I didn't turn to you sooner. I'm sorry I didn't depend on you. I thought I could do this job by myself. I though because you gave me this opportunity, I could do it. And I believe I can but now I realize I can'at do it without puttying you first. Because I decided to do this without you, I've pushed __________ away. I let my stress and fear of failure get the best of me and I hurt __________. I was so worried about failing at this job that I forgot what was important. I wanted everyone to feel like I could do this. I wanted everyone to be proud of what I was doing. But the truth is that one person shouldn't do this job. I NEED HELP! And you were trying to tell me that in so many ways. Instead, I pushed _________ away. I was afraid if I admitted I needed help and let _____ do things for me, people would say, "Deidra can't do her job." "Look at her getting help." "Deidra can't handle this job." The truth is that I can't do this job on my own. I'm not perfect. I'm only me. And I'm not failing anyone by admitting I need help. This is a big job. This is a very important job! And I need help.

I hate that I forgot what was important. I hate I let my stress get in the way of my friendship ________. I know deep down that she loves me unconditionally. Yes, this hurts. But she loves me...

I have to believe you are taking care of us and we will be fine... I know things won't always be easy. I know we'll have our not-so-good moments but I'm putting you first, God! I am firmly believing we can do this...

Give me the words tomorrow. Give me the peace. Give us both the peace. And restore us. Restore our friendship. Restore what you started!! AMEN!

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