I'm sorry is not an easy thing to say. Most of the time I'm ok with saying it. Sometimes it's a little harder. I imagine some of you know what I'm talking about.
Anyway...it's been a long couple of weeks for me. I'm not saying they've been bad. Just long. Tera and I made our final decision to move out. My boss went on maternity leave which meant I was officially in charge of this day care center. Her brand new baby was very sick. We lost a few employees here. The list goes on and on. Am I glad I'm in this position? That's a tough one. I'm very thankful that Christina (my boss) and the board here thought I was strong enough for this job. I will say that much. And most of the time I do love it! I work with amazing girls! And I love what I do!!
But I am tired. I just didn't realize how tired I was until the other day. If you know me, you know how I am. If you want me to do something, I'll do it all. I just will. It's who I am. Well, apparently that's not always the best idea. (Oh, hush.) I just have a tendency to figure that out the hard way. But this time it hurt.
A VERY good friend was a little frustrated with me the other day. Tues. night actually. And she had every right to be. She was right. I knew she was. And she was so worried. Basically, I'm EXHAUSTED. And I'm doing too many things by myself...mainly because I feel like I need to. And she just wanted me to see that I didn't have to. That she was here to help. Others are here to help. This doesn't have to be something I do all on my own. And I do know that. It's that it's so much easier said than done sometimes. It really is. So instead of me just giving in and saying "OK," I had to make my point. I heard her loud and clear! But I worry about her too. And I just didn't feel like I could say to her that I was ok with her helping. Not because I don't love the help she gives. She truly is amazing! But she's my friend. And I care about her. I don't want her covering for me. And I know she doesn't see it as covering for me. I know she's just helping. I know that. But that's not how it feels at the time. It feels like I'm letting her do the work. Ya know? And I felt like I needed to make that point. I probably just should have shut up.
Instead, what should have been a nice evening turned into a VERY hard one. And one I'm not proud of. If you know me well, you also know I just don't walk away. I try to work things out. I try to get to the bottom of things. And I'm not ok with silence. But I walked out. I walked out and went out to the driveway and sat. The silence was still too much. But man did it all hurt. I know she was just trying to be my friend. She's freakin' amazing! And i know it's because she cares and she wants the best for me. I know that.
I just hate that because I'm tired right now and a little on the busy side (yeah, just a little...ha, ha, ha) that I'm taking it out on her. (And maybe others as well.) And i know it's because she's the closest one right now but it's still not fair. And it's not who I am. I HATE IT! Because if it weren't for her right now, these 8 weeks would be really hard to get through. I'd be WAY more tired than I already am (which I can only imagine how awful that would be). I wouldn't have much help at all. And she really is a ton of help when she doesn't even realize it!!!
I'm just sorry. I'm sorry for being a pain. There are moments lately where I'm so unlike myself that I just hate it. I know things will get better. I'm tired. Exhausted honestly. I know once we move and get things settled, I'll feel better. I just hope she can stick it out. I hope everyone can!
Anyway...it's been a long couple of weeks for me. I'm not saying they've been bad. Just long. Tera and I made our final decision to move out. My boss went on maternity leave which meant I was officially in charge of this day care center. Her brand new baby was very sick. We lost a few employees here. The list goes on and on. Am I glad I'm in this position? That's a tough one. I'm very thankful that Christina (my boss) and the board here thought I was strong enough for this job. I will say that much. And most of the time I do love it! I work with amazing girls! And I love what I do!!
But I am tired. I just didn't realize how tired I was until the other day. If you know me, you know how I am. If you want me to do something, I'll do it all. I just will. It's who I am. Well, apparently that's not always the best idea. (Oh, hush.) I just have a tendency to figure that out the hard way. But this time it hurt.
A VERY good friend was a little frustrated with me the other day. Tues. night actually. And she had every right to be. She was right. I knew she was. And she was so worried. Basically, I'm EXHAUSTED. And I'm doing too many things by myself...mainly because I feel like I need to. And she just wanted me to see that I didn't have to. That she was here to help. Others are here to help. This doesn't have to be something I do all on my own. And I do know that. It's that it's so much easier said than done sometimes. It really is. So instead of me just giving in and saying "OK," I had to make my point. I heard her loud and clear! But I worry about her too. And I just didn't feel like I could say to her that I was ok with her helping. Not because I don't love the help she gives. She truly is amazing! But she's my friend. And I care about her. I don't want her covering for me. And I know she doesn't see it as covering for me. I know she's just helping. I know that. But that's not how it feels at the time. It feels like I'm letting her do the work. Ya know? And I felt like I needed to make that point. I probably just should have shut up.
Instead, what should have been a nice evening turned into a VERY hard one. And one I'm not proud of. If you know me well, you also know I just don't walk away. I try to work things out. I try to get to the bottom of things. And I'm not ok with silence. But I walked out. I walked out and went out to the driveway and sat. The silence was still too much. But man did it all hurt. I know she was just trying to be my friend. She's freakin' amazing! And i know it's because she cares and she wants the best for me. I know that.
I just hate that because I'm tired right now and a little on the busy side (yeah, just a little...ha, ha, ha) that I'm taking it out on her. (And maybe others as well.) And i know it's because she's the closest one right now but it's still not fair. And it's not who I am. I HATE IT! Because if it weren't for her right now, these 8 weeks would be really hard to get through. I'd be WAY more tired than I already am (which I can only imagine how awful that would be). I wouldn't have much help at all. And she really is a ton of help when she doesn't even realize it!!!
I'm just sorry. I'm sorry for being a pain. There are moments lately where I'm so unlike myself that I just hate it. I know things will get better. I'm tired. Exhausted honestly. I know once we move and get things settled, I'll feel better. I just hope she can stick it out. I hope everyone can!
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