I always think to myself "it's time to write a blog," and then life happens! Maybe one day I'll get better at it.
I have a lot of things I could talk about but I'm going to talk about something that I said I wasn't going to make public knowledge until it happened for sure. But it's on my heart. And while I'm just waiting, I might as well tell you the story.
Last year, a friend of mine and her sister hosted an exchange student for a few months. Rachael had asked me before if I was interested in hosting an exchange student. And sure, the idea sounded fun but I've been on my own for awhile. And at first, I lived in a small apartment. So the thought of having a teenager in that apartment along with me and Buckeye just seemed a little too much. And then I moved into a bigger home. But everything was really just starting with my mom and her health and it just felt like a lot. And let's be honest, I like my quiet. Sometimes I like to just be alone. Read or write. Just that quiet time. Especially at that time. There was just so much going on in my life and I was constantly here, there and everywhere. So I looked forward to those few moments of quiet. It really just wasn't the right time.
But life has changed since my mom passed away. Mostly good things! I miss her, of course. But that doesn't mean God can't do great things in the midst of that sadness and He has!! I was just sharing that with another friend this morning. Some people may look at everything that's happened with Dad and I over the last 10 months as more of a negative thing. But that's not how I've decided to look at it. And I am thankful for that!! That's just one more thing my mom has given me.
So I started throwing around the idea of an exchange student pretty early on this year. At first, I thought "no." Dad was just starting his cancer treatment. What on earth was I thinking? The more I thought and prayed about it though, the more I felt like this was a path I should be taking. Around the middle of May, I decided to at least start the process. I filled out the application online. I started conversations with a few of the local representatives. It was a nerve wracking process really. Someone had to come into my house, take pictures, make sure that the house is suitable for a teenage child, ask you questions and all of that. People make me nervous anyway. (For those of you who know me well, you know that new people make me nervous. I don't like crowds. It just all makes me feel really uncomfortable. I've just learned to fake it!) I had included references for them. They had contacted all of them. And don't you wonder what these people say about you? Sure, you choose them because you think they'll say good things about you but what exactly did they say??? My best friend said, "I told them I wouldn't trust you alone with my children!" 😛 Dork!
I won't reveal the representative's name. I just don't know how they would feel about it. But the names really aren't important. I was so busy the day the representative was supposed to come. I had a lock-in with my youth group the night before. I had another meeting early that morning. I needed to finish cleaning (and of course, this wasn't just a normal clean. I was trying to impress someone even though they told me not to). I had a graduation party to attend as well. Ahhhh!!! But when the representative pulled up outside, I thanked the Lord for this opportunity, prayed that He would be with me, stood up straight, put a smile on my face and decided to be ready! (It also helped that my best friend sent me a prayer to help calm the nerves and remind me that God was in control!)
This representative made me feel so at ease. She was so laid back. It didn't feel like she was grilling me with questions. It didn't feel like she was there to see if I was good enough. We were just two people talking. We talked about the process. We talked about kids that I was interested in. They had already sent me some emails with some students' information. I never realized how hard it would be to pick a student! I think they had only sent me 6 profiles and it was hard to pick between them. In a way, these student's were feeling the same way I was! They had to write a letter to their perspective families giving information about themselves, they included information about their families and even included pictures. They wanted someone to pick them. And how was I going to tell them no??? Ahhhh!!! But I had picked out 2 that really stuck out to me. I'm actually going to leave out the details about that but there's a reason for that. It may be something I share later on down the road.
Anyway...so here's the representative showing me some other profiles and there was another one in particular that they wanted me to look at. I fell in love with her too! So a little over an hour later, I had picked 3 prospective students (I'm only taking one) and shared a lot with this representative. And now I just had to wait. But I ended up only waiting a day. Well, this representative's supervisor wanted to talk to me the following day. Again, I had no idea how to feel about that! But again, here was someone else that made me feel comfortable. Even on the phone, I felt like I had know this woman for quite awhile. She said lots of positive things. She made me feel like I hadn't failed in this whole process. But then she said "but we do have an obstacle."
My heart sank. What was it? My house was clean! I had already set up the bedroom that this student would stay in. I had left the dogs outside during the home visit so they wouldn't bug the representative but maybe I should have brought them in. Maybe their cute faces would have made a difference. What was it!?
I'm single. Yep, you read that right. Me being single is an obstacle in this instance. In a single woman home, they would rather there be two students. They say it's so that the student has someone else. And in a way, I get that. Don't think I don't. But I also know that it's not the whole reason. As someone who works with children, I understand that there are other reasons. I also understand that those reasons aren't founded. That because one person has done something stupid, it doesn't mean everyone else will. But I also understand that the safety of these students need to be a priority. But I'm also not wanting to take on two students. I don't feel like it's what's best in my life right now. Simple as that.
She was positive on the phone that day when I talked to her. She said she was on my side and she said that she was going to push hard for me. She said the same thing to me when I spoke to her about a week and a half ago. She said that people were continuing to say good things about me but the organization itself was putting me back farther on the list. Basically it looks like they will see how many students they can get placed in "traditional homes" and then they will move on to us single women. (Traditional homes makes me laugh. Traditional homes are not the norm in this world. But I will stay off of my soap box on that subject.) That means that the students I was interested in may not be available when and IF they get to me. And that also means that I will be waiting until the last minute to find out.
I can be patient sometimes. This is a little harder for me. But I'm trying. I don't know how I feel about it all. 90% of the time, me being single doesn't bother me. I've learned to be content with where God has me, because He does have a reason. But when my singleness gets in the way of things like this, it's hard to not be frustrated. I like to think I'm a good person. I do believe I can care for a teenage student. Sure, it will be an adjustment! Just like having kids, getting married, changing jobs, etc...the list goes on. But I believe I can do it. And it's frustrating that me being single is reason for people to think I can't. I'm trying really hard to be patient and trust in God's plan...and timing. And to trust in His answer...whatever that may be. I'm hoping you'll add this to your prayers as well. That's really why I'm choosing to share it.
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