Overwhelming is definitely the word to sum up the last 7 weeks. But it wasn't until last night that I thought it was ok to say it. I thought if I said I was overwhelmed that people would think I was in over my head or something like that you know? And that wasn't necessarily the case. It actually wasn't the case at all. I'm a firm believer that God doesn't give us more than we can handle! So I didn't want to say I was overwhelmed...even though that's how I felt. Do you think that's strange?
From day one, taking over Christina's job has not been easy. I didn't think it would be. But I didn't think I'd encounter half the things I have. But it's not just the job itself. It's life too.
It never ceases to amaze me...when one thing isn't working, everything else seems to quit working too. And that's exactly what happened. I knew I'd be busy. I knew I'd be tired. But I didn't realize just how tired. And if you pile on other things on top of that, it gets to be overwhelming.
One thing that was so frustrating to me was my emotions. OH MY GOSH!!! We all know I HATE to cry. I don't do it often. Most of you can't even say you've seen me cry, right? Right. But I've cried more in the last 7 weeks than I have probably my entire life. I just wanted it to stop!! I was so overwhelmed by so many things that all I could do was cry sometimes.
But the most frustrating thing was me allowing everything to get to me...to get to me to the point where I hurt someone and may have even pushed her away some. I didn't mean to. She's one person who completely supported me in all of this and totally believed in me! (Don't get me wrong...plenty of other people did but she is closer to the situation!) All she did was support me and love me and try to be there for me. And I didn't listen.
A few weeks ago we actually had an argument. I'm not saying we've never argued before but this was the first time where we both were frustrated and neither of us seemed to hear the other. I did hear her. I just didn't know how to listen. And I know she heard me. She just knew it was a bunch of bull! :-) I walked out on her! I completely walked away. And I'm so sorry for that. I needed to sit there and talk it out. I needed to be an adult and listen. And I didn't want to. I wanted to be right. But the truth is, she was right. And I knew that.
I heard her loud and clear though the other night. I stopped and listen. Yes, I said some things (this is me we're talking about...I'm rarely quiet). But I didn't argue. She was right. And I know she cares. I know she loves me. I know she's just worried. But I have to say though that it felt like it was too late...I was listening too late.
I hope she'll forgive me for letting my pride get ahead of me. I just didn't want to look weak, ya know? That's not me! Plus, I'm the one that doesn't let stress get to me! EVER!!! And I did this time. And I know why I did. I let life overwhelm me. Instead of being overwhelmed by the million things God has blessed me with, I was overwhelmed by the few things that seemed to be falling apart.
...work was a struggle. I felt like I was losing my friend. Things just didn't seem to be going my way. And instead of just slowing down and allowing this friend to help and take care of me a little, I kept pushing forward...which pushed her to the side more and made the job a little harder.
I haven't been me the last few weeks. I'm pretty sure some of you can agree with that. It hasn't been easy. I'm always the one that goofs off and has fun and I haven't done that. Apparently I thought it was more important to be serious...like I couldn't do my job and have fun too. And I was so wrong!!! So my goal this week is to get my job done while having a great time with all of the girls I work with. That's who I am!!! And I miss me!!!
I felt invisible last night. And all alone. That was a really hard place to be. I wanted to get on the highway and just drive til I had no where else to go. I didn't feel like I was hiding much last night. But it still felt like I was invisible to some. But I didn't get on the highway. I heard three words: I love you. And so I stopped my car. I drove around most of the time. Stopped in a few stores. And talked. Talked for hours. One person was my reason. She reminded me of what's important and reminded me of the things I needed to do. Another person was one who had some insight into things and was able to remind me that she understood. The third was the one who always seems to be able to calm me down. But she also happened to be the person I needed to apologize to.
Today is a strange day. I feel much better than I did last night. But today it's hard not to think back to a year ago. Nov. 2, 2007 changed the lives of so many people in an instant. I can tell you where I was when I got the call. I can tell you the things that went through my head. And I can tell you that it lead me to where I am today. It's changed my life. I'd be naive if I said I didn't realize the evil in this world up until that point. Cause I did. But it was at that point that I felt it personally. And it changed my perspective. In good ways (and in bad ways too). But it also prepared me for the evil that I heard about months later. Different evil. Just as devistating.
Life is...interesting (for lack of a better word). It takes you on twists and turns that no one can explain half of the time. And lately it's been overwhelming. But my goal for the week is to look at the overwhelming good things God has given me. And I want that to overflow to those around me!!! How awesome would it be to share that with others? To share the gift of a smile...or a hug...or just a compliment...or a good laugh... I want to overwhelm people with what a blessing they are! I'm tired of concentrating on how tired I am or how much work needs done. I want me back!!!!
And in the mean time, I hope that my friend can forgive me. She says she has. I believe she has. But that doesn't make it any easier. I definitely owe it to her to be overwhelming...with my laughter and my love!!!!!
From day one, taking over Christina's job has not been easy. I didn't think it would be. But I didn't think I'd encounter half the things I have. But it's not just the job itself. It's life too.
It never ceases to amaze me...when one thing isn't working, everything else seems to quit working too. And that's exactly what happened. I knew I'd be busy. I knew I'd be tired. But I didn't realize just how tired. And if you pile on other things on top of that, it gets to be overwhelming.
One thing that was so frustrating to me was my emotions. OH MY GOSH!!! We all know I HATE to cry. I don't do it often. Most of you can't even say you've seen me cry, right? Right. But I've cried more in the last 7 weeks than I have probably my entire life. I just wanted it to stop!! I was so overwhelmed by so many things that all I could do was cry sometimes.
But the most frustrating thing was me allowing everything to get to me...to get to me to the point where I hurt someone and may have even pushed her away some. I didn't mean to. She's one person who completely supported me in all of this and totally believed in me! (Don't get me wrong...plenty of other people did but she is closer to the situation!) All she did was support me and love me and try to be there for me. And I didn't listen.
A few weeks ago we actually had an argument. I'm not saying we've never argued before but this was the first time where we both were frustrated and neither of us seemed to hear the other. I did hear her. I just didn't know how to listen. And I know she heard me. She just knew it was a bunch of bull! :-) I walked out on her! I completely walked away. And I'm so sorry for that. I needed to sit there and talk it out. I needed to be an adult and listen. And I didn't want to. I wanted to be right. But the truth is, she was right. And I knew that.
I heard her loud and clear though the other night. I stopped and listen. Yes, I said some things (this is me we're talking about...I'm rarely quiet). But I didn't argue. She was right. And I know she cares. I know she loves me. I know she's just worried. But I have to say though that it felt like it was too late...I was listening too late.
I hope she'll forgive me for letting my pride get ahead of me. I just didn't want to look weak, ya know? That's not me! Plus, I'm the one that doesn't let stress get to me! EVER!!! And I did this time. And I know why I did. I let life overwhelm me. Instead of being overwhelmed by the million things God has blessed me with, I was overwhelmed by the few things that seemed to be falling apart.
...work was a struggle. I felt like I was losing my friend. Things just didn't seem to be going my way. And instead of just slowing down and allowing this friend to help and take care of me a little, I kept pushing forward...which pushed her to the side more and made the job a little harder.
I haven't been me the last few weeks. I'm pretty sure some of you can agree with that. It hasn't been easy. I'm always the one that goofs off and has fun and I haven't done that. Apparently I thought it was more important to be serious...like I couldn't do my job and have fun too. And I was so wrong!!! So my goal this week is to get my job done while having a great time with all of the girls I work with. That's who I am!!! And I miss me!!!
I felt invisible last night. And all alone. That was a really hard place to be. I wanted to get on the highway and just drive til I had no where else to go. I didn't feel like I was hiding much last night. But it still felt like I was invisible to some. But I didn't get on the highway. I heard three words: I love you. And so I stopped my car. I drove around most of the time. Stopped in a few stores. And talked. Talked for hours. One person was my reason. She reminded me of what's important and reminded me of the things I needed to do. Another person was one who had some insight into things and was able to remind me that she understood. The third was the one who always seems to be able to calm me down. But she also happened to be the person I needed to apologize to.
Today is a strange day. I feel much better than I did last night. But today it's hard not to think back to a year ago. Nov. 2, 2007 changed the lives of so many people in an instant. I can tell you where I was when I got the call. I can tell you the things that went through my head. And I can tell you that it lead me to where I am today. It's changed my life. I'd be naive if I said I didn't realize the evil in this world up until that point. Cause I did. But it was at that point that I felt it personally. And it changed my perspective. In good ways (and in bad ways too). But it also prepared me for the evil that I heard about months later. Different evil. Just as devistating.
Life is...interesting (for lack of a better word). It takes you on twists and turns that no one can explain half of the time. And lately it's been overwhelming. But my goal for the week is to look at the overwhelming good things God has given me. And I want that to overflow to those around me!!! How awesome would it be to share that with others? To share the gift of a smile...or a hug...or just a compliment...or a good laugh... I want to overwhelm people with what a blessing they are! I'm tired of concentrating on how tired I am or how much work needs done. I want me back!!!!
And in the mean time, I hope that my friend can forgive me. She says she has. I believe she has. But that doesn't make it any easier. I definitely owe it to her to be overwhelming...with my laughter and my love!!!!!
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