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Do I?

It's funny cause I never expected life to be like this right. It's not bad. That's not what I mean. I just mean that I never expected to be where I am. I guess as I was thinking about what the summer would bring, there are just things I didn't include and those are the things that have happened!

I know I'm blessed. I know without a doubt that God put me right where I am for a reason. Some days are harder than others but as I slowly let go and let God, the days get a little easier. And although I don't understand and I wish I could change things, I know God is in control. Do I wish I was in control? YEAH!!! If I was in control, I'd change some things!!! This would be so much easier! But I'm not. And I know there's a reason for all of this. And maybe one day God will tell me what it is! :-)

I know I'm blessed. I think if God had given me a glimpse of some of this ahead of time and left out some of the details, I probably would have screamed no. I wouldn't have wanted it. Life was just fine the way it was. But I think in the last 3 to 4 months I've changed...changed for the better. It hasn't been easy. There are things that I've changed about me that I didn't think would ever change. But I can be certain of one thing...I'M BLESSED. I would have never imagined the blessings I'd receive. And to be honest, most people would be like, "That's not a blessing." But it is to me!!! I've been a little more stressed than usual. More worried. All of those things I don't really like. But it's so worth it. I wouldn't change a thing about it. I wouldn't give it up now for anything in the world.

Maybe this sounds silly to you but it doesn't to me. I abosutely feel that it's a privalege to worry about this. I'm not sure I earn the trust that came along with this. I'm not even sure I'm the right person for it. But I still feel honored. I know-sounds silly. But it's how I feel.
But I have to say I'm struggling with tomorrow. I'm struggling with what God wants of me right now. I'm struggling with how to handle it and how to just be the good friend. But I think what I'm struggling with the most is my faith. I have the faith that God will take care of this. But do I have the faith that his will is exactly what needs to be done. That's my biggest question. Will I be ok with God's will in this situation? I'm just not sure...

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